kristin has been a bad kristin
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize