2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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