there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
