Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
