my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
