i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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