and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
