What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
