I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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