Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
