he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
