Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
