I love black thongs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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