Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
