I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
