At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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