Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
