Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
worst night to have a conscience
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
