Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
