I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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