i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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