I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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