I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
