Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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