I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
