my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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