dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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