That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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