yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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