Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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