she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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