Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
True strength comes from lack of pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
