I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
