Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize