btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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