so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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