people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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