he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
