I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
