I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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