i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
