If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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