i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
