I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
