Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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