Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
