somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
