how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
