This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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