so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
