I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
