You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
