We tried having a conversation with our noses.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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