Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
