I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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