john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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