So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
