I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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