First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
