So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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