So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
