Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize