Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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