***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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