I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
