how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize