tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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